Parenting Fail

As the involved parent that I try to be,  I have the opportunity to spend a lot of time around my kids and their friends.  Now I can honestly say that I don’t know all of them, and I’m not writing this to call anyone out directly.  However, one thing that I’ve noticed a lot in the last year or so is how many parents fail in one area:  monitoring their kids  kids' online lives.

I should note that we have failed in his area of parenting many times as well.  Technology just keeps changing so fast and you think that you’ve trained your kids appropriately, only to find that you didn’t.  It’s amazing how much influence the kid’s friends, media, and technology have on kids these days.

Today, though, I’d like to discuss what I’m finding with many local kids.  Frankly, the majority just have no filter in what they think, say, or write and have no filtering at home.  I can almost guarantee that at least 70% of their parents have no real idea what their kids are up to.  The things that kids post on their own Facebook pages is ridiculous.  I remember when we were kids that even if you cursed you’d never do it around your parents.  Now kids not only talk like that to their friends but post it on FB all the time and text it to one another.  Then you can add all the kids'  phones and iPods and iPhones and the abilities that these devices have.  Most people know that Skype and Facetime have been used by people of all ages for sexual experiences, but did you know people do the same with Snapchat? 

These are just a few of the avenues that kids have these days to do things we would have never thought of when we were children.  I read an article the other day that even FB games that have social aspects have been used for sexting for kids that have parents who monitor their kids!  What about all the kids not being monitored?

It’s a crazy world we live in today, and frankly extremely hard to be a parent today.  Monitoring our children is almost a full-time job.  It used to be that you didn’t have to worry about the kids when they were at your house.  Now you have to worry all the time about what they are doing and what they are getting into, and it’s not easy.  As parents we have to keep up with what's going on with our kids.  We have to lock down their phones and mobile devices and keep an eye on what they're doing.  And even at that it isn’t enough.  Their friends have these devices as well, and most probably aren’t monitored at all by their parents. 

So how do we as parents avoid the fail? 

-First and foremost ,we have to pray.  Pray that God will keep the kids safe and that He’ll guide our kids to become the people He wants them to be.  Pray that our children have a Godly heart and are willing to follow Him instead of the world.  Pray that the kids will be the positive influences that their friends need instead of the other way around.  And pray that they have other positive influences in their lives that will help us filter through all the garbage in the world.

-Secondly, we have to be vigilant with filtering the world’s influence in our children’s lives.  Set up web filters on the computer, check through their texts and social media pages.  Don’t ever allow your kids to have passwords that you don’t know.  Don’t allow them to add apps to their devices without asking you first.  Don’t allow them to take their devices to bed with them.  Make them leave them on the dinner table at bed time.  Oh, and we have to keep up with the newest and popular things that the kids are getting into. 

-It takes a village to raise a child.  That saying has never been more realized than in today’s world.  If you are married, then both of you need to be involved in keeping up with what the kids are doing.  And even that might not be enough.  Find others with kids around the same age that you can compare notes with.  Make it a regular discussion, as other parents might know about something you don’t, and vice-versa.

I’m not going to say that I have all the answers in this area…in fact, we’ve failed numerous times already.  That is why I wanted to bring this up in the blog as it’s just about as practical as you can get for any and all parents these days.  And with the kids having even more free time during the summer break….well, let’s just say that they have more opportunity to try things than during the school year.  Problems can happen for any and all of us as parents, and we all need to be aware of what is going on out there in the world.  God will help us in the endeavor, but if we’re not giving it up to Him and try instead to handle it only ourselves, then we’re just opening up our kids for the worst.

Positive Memories

What do you see when you look back at your childhood?  Do you remember all the little arguments you had with your parents?  Maybe you remember that big fight you had because you didn’t get your way?  Oh, and I’m sure you remember that time at the store when they wouldn’t buy you that new cereal that just came out, the new cassette tape, or vinyl album?

I’m guessing that what you remember most is the good times that you had.  (I realize that not everyone has fond memories, but follow along here please.)  You remember the family trip you took, or the late night you spend talking with mom or dad.  Maybe you remember the first time dad let you have the car keys on your own, or the sporting events of yours that they attended?

My point is that parenting in my mind is about creating those positive encounters that our children will always look back on in a positive light.  They aren’t going to remember the argument you had about not brushing their teeth tonight, but instead they’ll remember the family trip to Cedar Point.  They will remember the fact that you helped them get better at their favorite sport, or at least attended their games. 

God calls us to be good parents, which can leave a lot to interpretation.  But there is one thing I know for sure.  Being with your children as they are growing up and showing an interest in the things they do and wanting to be with them is a big part of being a parent.  Focus on the Family says it like this:

Your presence matters. Children regard your presence as a sign of care and connectedness. Families who eat meals together, play together and build traditions together thrive.

If you want your family to thrive and your children to have those positive memories of their childhood, spend some time with them and create those memories.  It is another way we can make God’s kingdom stronger.

Everything I know on parenting, I learned from Bill Cosby

A couple weeks ago we cancelled our cable at home.  We decided that we could live watching shows on Hulu, Netflix, etc. and cut a ton of our costs.  One of the shows that our kids have been watching through each and every episode of every season is The Cosby Show.  I remember when this show was first on and watching it with my parents.  I’ve constantly referenced it since then when I’ve been raising the kids, and so they wanted to watch the episodes. 

Well, almost every episode one of my kids will turn to me and say that I’ve either said or done the same thing that they just watched on TV.  It cracks me up as they are so right…I really did take a lot more away from that show than I ever thought.  I often treat my kids the same way, and I can’t really say that my doing that is bad at all.  The funniest part is that the kids are noticing me doing the same things.

This fact does have me thinking about the other shows that people watch and how much they could be emulating them as well.  Would I be happy if my kids saw me doing things from The Simpsons?  How about Married with Children?  It’s very true that the things that we put into our heads is the same stuff that comes out.  My parenting style has been shaped from my parents, along with stuff I’ve seen on TV from The Cosby Show, Home Improvement, etc.  Yet, most of all it’s been shaped by God through my reading from the Bible and doing many different parenting studies.  I’ve spent time with other people going through the same things that I am going through and have gained from their experiences to figure out how to handle situations. 

Today the thought I want to leave you with is just to examine the things that have influence on your life.  Be it parenting, marriage, money, etc., the information that comes into your life are the same things that will show to others.  We all spend years gathering information and eventually most of that is going to come out one way or another.  I’d like to encourage you to look for positive influences in people, from media, etc.  Those positive influences just might be seen by others some day, and like my family and The Cosby Show, I’m sure you’d rather it be positive than negative.

Family Matters

So we’ve talked about marriage and how it matters. We’ve talked about parenting and how it matters. Now let’s discuss how those two things come together. To be a good, cohesive unit you have to find a way to meld your marriage to your spouse and to your parenting of your children. They aren’t separate at all in fact. Once you have kids and become parents, your marriage takes on a new form. You now have a family, and that family unit that you’ve created also needs to stay strong.

In order to have a strong family you have to spend time together. Now it’s not easy, as we’ve found out with our family. Our kids are always having practices for sports, games, or other activities they are involved with. We’re always running around, and quite often one half of the family is at one thing while the other half is at another. Because of that, we’ve found that these things matter:

Support Each Other – In order for the family to be strong, it really does matter for the family as a whole to invest time in one another. If one person has a game, for instance, the rest of the family should be there to root them on if they can be. They should do it because then when the shoe is on the other foot, it’ll be their turn to root you on. I know this doesn’t always work, but whenever it can for us it does.

Time Together – We attempt every week to spend some time together as a family. We try to play a game, watch a movie, or even go out and do something together. In the summer time we take walks or ride bikes, etc. During spring break we took mini trips to places the kids wanted to go. Those investments in the family as a whole build memories and keep the unit as a whole strong, and that really does matter.

Prayer – (Have you seen a pattern here yet?) Prayer for and with the family is important. It’s not just something you do at dinner. Pray for your family as a whole. Pray that they stay strong through the hard times, and enjoy the good times together.

Once again, there is a lot more that matters family-wise, but I’ll stop here. As always, if you’d like to discuss this more, contact me. If your family really does matter to you, then I hope I’ve helped at the least to reinforce ways to keep that family unit strong.

Next Week: Friends Matter

Everything is Spiritual

What a simple phrase, right at the top there: Everything is spiritual. Have you ever stopped to consider that before? Let's look at it a little closer:

Losing Weight - spiritual by far. Ask God in prayer to help you feast His Word instead of that bag of chips or carton of ice cream.

Budgeting - spiritual again. Put God first and ask Him how to control your finances. You'll see Him at work in that area of your life in no time, and your debt will start to shrink because you put Him in control of it instead of you.

Parenting - You have a father in heaven who sets the example of how to love, so why wouldn't you take advantage of that? It's not easy, but when you allow God to control it, this is more manageable as well.

Your Job(s) - Working can be spiritual, even when you are at a place that isn't so "religion friendly". If you want to be the best worker you can be, then you can't do it alone. You may be asked to do things that you aren't qualified to do and with His guidance you can get through anything at work, when you allow Him into this area of your life as well.

I've just listed a few different examples above, and I've done that to remind you that no matter what area of your life you are thinking about right now with God in control you can do great things. We often allow God into one area or another of our life but keep Him out of others thinking we've given enough to Him as it is. If you want the life that He's set out for you why don't you go ahead and lay it all down at His feet - your life will only get better and better from that point.