It's So Hard To Say Goodbye

So this past weekend I, along with many others, helped a friend and his family move.  Although the work was hard, it really wasn’t the hardest part of the day for me.  It was the reality that although our friendship will not end, it also will never be the same again.

I’ve been friends with Wayne pretty much ever since I came to Norwalk.  His return to Norwalk Alliance Church was, I think, the week before we first went to the church.  We hit it off as friends right from the start, although honestly most people do with Wayne.  We grew closer and closer throughout the years of playing softball, basketball, and even football together.  We went from people who were at the same event to casual friends, to close friends.  We’d often go a month without really talking and then when we did it was like it was just yesterday.  We could talk to each other about anything from family stuff, to raising kids, to spiritual battles.  Wayne is like a brother to me, a brother whom I will always be close to, even if he is far away.

As Wayne and the family were deciding what to do, he took the time to discuss the idea with me.  I have to be honest (and I told him this) that I wanted to be selfish.  I didn’t want him and his family to leave because I didn’t want him to move that far away.  But, I also realized that God set this whole move up perfectly for Wayne and the family.  How it all unfolded over the last couple years was all God’s plan, and as we looked back on it together I kept seeing how God moved in the various struggles that the family had.  Through the various jobs Wayne had in and outside of ministry God’s plan was being revealed. 

If this move by the Mushett family isn’t a sign of God working in people’s lives I really don’t know what is.  God had a plan all along and not even Wayne knew what it was.  The family struggled with his job situation, but it was just God preparing them for what was to come.  God’s plan was always for Wayne to become to pastor at this new location.  But Wayne and the family had to take about ten other steps over the last three to four years before God placed them there.  They had to be prepared to do the work that God had intended them to do in Montana. 

Although it’s extremely hard for me to say goodbye to Wayne and his family (evidenced by the fact that I was there for over an hour longer Friday night than I needed to be before I finally said goodbye and walked out the door for the last time) I do know that it is for the best.  I know for certain that God has great things in store for their family and that church.  The church is extremely blessed to get one of the most caring people and best friends I have ever had in my life.  He will be missed, but sometimes you have to let go and let God.

Everything I Do

I was trying to think of a topic for this week’s blog when God hit me with something:  I can’t do anything in my life without Him.  This thought wasn’t anything new, but I think that from time to time we have to be reminded of this exact point.  Let me give you a few examples.

I am currently working on getting myself into better shape.  I can try all I want until I die, but without God as a part of the process it’s not going to happen.  He gives me time in my day to get it done.  He shows me ways to not eat certain foods and provides other foods that are better for me.  He gives me the will power to pass up some of those sweets.  He gives me a loving wife who is there working on the same thing at the same time, who wants to go on walks and eat better, etc.

As a couple we’re also working on getting out of debt.  Yes, we’ve been doing this for a long time, and it’s a long process when you don’t have huge things to sell off.  Yet, no matter how much money we make ourselves we realize that to truly get out of debt God is the answer, not money.  He will provide for our family.  He will show us the light at the end of the debt tunnel and make sure that we’re focused in that direction.  Without God our finances would be a disaster for the rest of our lives.

My last example this week if our family.  We’re really working hard as parents to raise our children right.  We know that it’s not going to be easy and there are always going to be challenges.  Kids today go through so much more than we ever did growing up.  And we know that without God as the true head of the family there is no chance that we’d get the jobs done on our own.  Yet, we give up our parenting to God and allow Him to guide our decisions, and although we aren’t promised a smooth ride, He does work through everything going on in our family's lives.

So, as you can see, there isn’t an aspect of any of our lives that God isn’t a part of when you invite Him in.  Don’t be afraid to lose control.  Instead, allow God to take the leadership role in everything you do!

Bump In The Road

A married couple who are friends of ours are adopting children from overseas.  They have been working on this process for quite some time now, and just the other week they were told to come and pick the kids up.  They were overjoyed that it was time to finally get them, so they made arrangements and eventually left.  They were reunited with the kids recently and everything was going well.  However, they have hit a speed bump.  Not all of the paperwork has been processed in a timely manner and so arrangements are having to be shuffled.  The family is weary, things are costing more than they were supposed to, and the bumps in the road seem to keep coming every day.   

This couple knows for certain that this is something God has wanted them to do.  He spoke to them separately and led both of their hearts to know for certain that this is His will for their family.  They already have two kids of their own, and yet God called them to adopt two more kids, and from overseas!  Yet, through all the happiness they have hit a bump in the road that seems to have derailed the progress indefinitely.

So, the non-believer has to be asking the following:  If this is truly something God wants them to do, why then isn’t it going smoothly?  This couple knew that God called them to add to their family with these two kids.  They have jumped over quite a number of hurdles before they even left to pick up the kids, and yet they are still having to encounter more hurdles? 

The answer to me is simple.  God never said following Him was going to be easy.  Yet nothing worth doing ever really is easy.  When this couple gets over all the bumps in this road and get the kids back to their new home they are going to be so grateful.  They will appreciate and cherish the kids even more due to all they have had to go through to be together.  Someday they will tell the kids these stories and the kids themselves will see just how much their parents love them, and how much their Heavenly Father loves them as well.  And those on the sidelines who have watched the entire process unfold will get to see the light of God in this family.

You see, this is what God does.  Often we as followers have to struggle to follow Him.  Yet, those struggles make us stronger.  They make our love for Him stronger, and it allows our light to shine even brighter to the onlookers.  It’s often the bumps in the road that truly show God working in our lives, not only to us but to the entire world.  This family will be united and back in the States in the near future.  Yes, they are going to struggle, but overall God will work this all out.  And the stories that will be told for years to come will proclaim again and again God’s great working in their lives.

Traditions

So, the other day I carved pumpkins with my family.  Our tradition has been for each of the kids to have their own pumpkin.  They get to design the look, scrape out the insides of those pumpkins, and help with the carving of that design.  It’s a nice little thing that we all get to do together every year.

One thing about traditions like that is that they bring families together.  They give the kids something to look forward to that they can rely on every year .  Our kids know that they’ll get some special family time every year at this time, and at many other times throughout the year.  Although we are very busy almost year round we still make our family a priority. 

You see, in order for a family to be strong you have to make time for one another.  You have to be there in the good and bad times.  You have to not only spend time together, but WANT to spend time together.  And that doesn't mean just in front of the TV all the time.  That can mean something as simple as playing a game together to doing a family campout   But whatever you do, make sure that your family is important to you and that God in the central focus of that family.

Time To Relax

That is right, this week I’m going to relax.  In fact, I’m so determined to do so  that I’ve taken the week off from work to spend more time with the family.  Now, that isn’t to say that I’m not going to be doing any work during this week around the house.  But, what I’m trying to say is that I’m not going to be at work, and my focus isn’t going to be doing stuff – but instead it's going to be hanging out with the kids and doing things with them. 

Why am I doing this?  Because frankly,  we all need a break.  We all need time to let ourselves take a break from day-to-day grind and recharge our batteries.  Last year I took the week off between Christmas and New Years as well and I found it really helped me start the new year out right.  So, why not do it again.

So today’s lesson is that we all need to go ahead and take a break from time to time. If we truly want to be on the top of our game, then a break from time to time is required.  And so, if you aren’t taking a break this week, I suggest maybe you think about doing so soon.  Recharge those batteries, you’ll be stronger in the long run.

Lights!

Years ago when my kids were first old enough to do it, our family started playing a game we call lights.  What it requires is family members to be in the car, and for Christmas lights to be on at people’s houses as we pass by.  The first person to spot the lights and declare that they’ve seen them gets a point.  Now, frankly we don’t keep score, instead it’s just something fun to do.  It’s something we do as a family, and other than the gas – it costs us nothing.  The thing is, we don’t go out just to play, we play everywhere and anywhere we go when the lights are up this time of year.

Why do I mention this?  It’s because one of my focuses in this blog is helping people with their family lives.  This is something you can do as a family that is cheap and just adds to something you’d already be doing.  The goal should be to keep growing together as a family.

Oh, and I forgot to mention this earlier….once you do this a few times, you don’t need to remember to do it.  The kids will remember.  In fact, not only will they remember the next car ride, but they’ll also remember the next year when the lights come on again.  Kids love this kind of thing, and the fact that you do it together will build a lasting memory that they’ll enjoy for the rest of their lives.  It may even create a family tradition, as it has in my family. 

So what are you waiting for?  It’s time to play LIGHTS!

Are You Chicken, or Just a Big Turkey?

So why is it that we often have problems witnessing to those in our own extended families?  Why is it that we have a loved one who needs Jesus in their life, and instead of talking to them about that we talk about everything else when we see them?  Why can we go up to a neighbor or a complete stranger and discuss God but not a family member?

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we’ll be seeing those family members time and time again and we are afraid of rejection.  Yes, we’re just big turkeys!  Instead of insuring those that we love are with us in Heaven, we talk about the weather and our kids.  We have a problem fulfilling our calling from God because we don’t want them to reject our ways, or look down on us the next time we see them. 

Here is the biggest question this week:  What if God wants you to be the closer on this job.  Maybe He has you set up to be the one who seals the deal.  Then again, maybe you are the spark that lights the fire in their heart for God!  How can you not talk to that family member when you see them over the upcoming holidays?  It’s much better to eat a turkey this Thanksgiving than be one yourself!

Have a blessed time with your families this Thanksgiving, everyone!

Gift Giving Time

Well, it’s that time of year again.  The Christmas music has already begun in some stores, and they are lining up to take our money for the many gifts we’re all going to be buying this year.  Now I’m a shopper, so I enjoy this time of year.  I enjoy searching for deals and getting my family gifts that they’ll enjoy at lower prices so that I can buy them more gifts.  I like meeting people while I’m shopping…the general good mood that most people are in (there are exceptions). 

With all of that said, I would like to point out one thing.  As much as I love to give gifts to my family, the best gift I can give them is my showing them how to have God as a part of their lives and discipling them through that relationship.  I know that often I write about reaching others for Christ, and most of the time that focuses on those in the community, at work, etc.  Well, your most attentive audience is probably in your own home, and often we do a horrible job at discipling them because we think they are just going to do what we do.

This week, I just want to remind everyone to be intentional as you go through this holiday season.  Make sure that your family knows not just that you are a Christian, but also WHY you are a Christian and how you live that life every day.  Don’t just assume that they know.  It takes practice for all of us to grow as Christians, but it also takes instruction for us to show others the right way to live their lives.

This is one gift you can give this Christmas that will keep on giving.              

Family Matters

So we’ve talked about marriage and how it matters. We’ve talked about parenting and how it matters. Now let’s discuss how those two things come together. To be a good, cohesive unit you have to find a way to meld your marriage to your spouse and to your parenting of your children. They aren’t separate at all in fact. Once you have kids and become parents, your marriage takes on a new form. You now have a family, and that family unit that you’ve created also needs to stay strong.

In order to have a strong family you have to spend time together. Now it’s not easy, as we’ve found out with our family. Our kids are always having practices for sports, games, or other activities they are involved with. We’re always running around, and quite often one half of the family is at one thing while the other half is at another. Because of that, we’ve found that these things matter:

Support Each Other – In order for the family to be strong, it really does matter for the family as a whole to invest time in one another. If one person has a game, for instance, the rest of the family should be there to root them on if they can be. They should do it because then when the shoe is on the other foot, it’ll be their turn to root you on. I know this doesn’t always work, but whenever it can for us it does.

Time Together – We attempt every week to spend some time together as a family. We try to play a game, watch a movie, or even go out and do something together. In the summer time we take walks or ride bikes, etc. During spring break we took mini trips to places the kids wanted to go. Those investments in the family as a whole build memories and keep the unit as a whole strong, and that really does matter.

Prayer – (Have you seen a pattern here yet?) Prayer for and with the family is important. It’s not just something you do at dinner. Pray for your family as a whole. Pray that they stay strong through the hard times, and enjoy the good times together.

Once again, there is a lot more that matters family-wise, but I’ll stop here. As always, if you’d like to discuss this more, contact me. If your family really does matter to you, then I hope I’ve helped at the least to reinforce ways to keep that family unit strong.

Next Week: Friends Matter