Parenting Matters

Last week I spent time in this blog writing about marriage and how the little things matter. This week I’d like to take some time to look at parenting. So far in the eleven years that I’ve been a parent of at least one child (we have 3 – ages 11, 8, 4) I can definitely say that parenting is one of the most frustrating, and yet most rewarding things I will ever do in my life.

I remember the day that Noah was born like it was just yesterday. We went from a party of two at a restaurant to a party of three. It had just been the two of us and we had the freedom to do just about anything we wanted whenever we wanted to do it, at least within the law. We took walks every day after work, we hung out with our friends, we went to all the church events we desired, etc. Then all of a sudden this little guy came along and those things became more difficult. Then, when we finally got used to that then Andrew came along. So we took some time and got used to playing the man man-to-man defense, and then Abby came along and we had to go to zone defense!

So, what have I learned from parenting? Well, some of that answer you can find below:

A Child’s Love Is Contagious – The first time that I saw Noah I was hooked. At that moment I learned what it was like to love my very own child. I remember as each child has grown and developed their own ways for showing me that they love me. Yes, it changes throughout their lives, as I’ve found. Still, if they love you, they’ll still show it. I do know this for sure – the more love I give them, and the more they give back, the more I want to show it and have it shown to me. I mean, the other day I had to leave for work early and I had to leave before Abby was up. Because of that I missed my "have a good day, Dad " hug from her. Yes, it’s a little thing, but I missed it. I still hug my kids every day. I make it a point that I show them love every day, and in turn they do the same. The more I get, the more I want….it’s that contagious.

Discipline The Action, Not The Child – This one I learned very early. I’ve learned to make sure when I yell at the kids on the big things that it’s very important that they know that I still love them. I make sure that they know that I’m not happy about the action they took, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love them. Now, I’m a yeller when I get upset or frustrated with the kids. (I think it’s because they drive me crazy – which also helps you understand my mental state) I’ll always point out the little things that didn’t get done or how an action wasn’t thought out well. Yet, I’ve found that the kids learn better from the mistakes if they know that it’s not that I hate them or anything like that. Instead I don’t like the action that they took that got them into trouble. This has helped us all bond closely, and has worked very well thus far in our lives together.

Kids and Parents Aren’t Perfect – As hard as it is to admit, I make mistakes just like my kids do. I mean, it’s not like they give us a manual when we get the kids at the hospital, right? If we expect our kids to admit and pay for their mistakes, then we as parents should do the same thing. I’ve admitted to my kids many times when I’ve messed up. And in turn they have done the same thing to me as well. I think that if we show to our kids that we’re not perfect as well, it allows them to love us even with our imperfections, just as we love them with the same.

Prayer – As I mentioned last week, we pray every week for our family. We pray for their events, schooling, sports, etc. If you are a believer in Christ and a parents and don’t pray for you kids, why not? Do they not deserve to be prayed for? You have to pray that they become the best persons that they can be. Pray for them to know Jesus and have a relationship and that it grows daily. Pray for them to be safe. Pray for them to love you, as you love them. Oh, and another thing when it comes to prayer – you have to pray with your kids. I’ve been convicted on this one lately. I spend a lot of time praying with others, but not enough with my own kids – even though I have more access to them than anyone else. How can our kids develop a stronger prayer life if they don’t have a solid model to pattern their prayer lives after?

Now I’ve learned a lot more, and I could go on forever discussing it. Instead, if you have questions about anything, I’d love to help. Contact me any time. There are many other little things that really do matter, but today as I wrote this I felt these were important. What do you think? What matters to you as a parent?

Next Week: Family Matters

Marriage Matters

So in less than a month (6/12 – yes, I remember) I’ll have been married to my wonderful wife Traci for 12 years! Can you believe that she’s been able to put up with me for that long? I’m sure many wonder how she’s been able to stand me for that long, not including the engagement time and dating, etc.

The keys to our marriage, in my mind, are a couple of things that we find very important. Let me list them below:

Communication – Like many parents these days we run our kids from one thing to another all week long. We also both have multiple jobs and other commitments as well. Then there is all the homework to help with or check. Then add in all the house work, yard work, and you’d think we never saw each other. A lot of the time that is almost the truth. Yet through it all our marriage stays strong. We work hard on being able to communicate with one another openly and honestly as much as possible. Each week we talk about the week coming up, we talk about finances, our kids, our events, etc. We also bounce ideas off of one another and make sure that everything that needs to be covered does get covered. Sure, it’s not easy for us – but how hard would it be if we didn’t talk about these things?

Date Nights – That is right, date nights. Now we’d love to have these every week (ok, every day) but for us that isn’t going to happen. Instead we attempt to get out at least once a month without our kids. We have to have some time that allows us to focus all of our energy on one another. Does this mean that we have to go to dinner and a movie every time? No. Does it mean we go on an overnight vacation every time? No. Sure, those things are needed as well, but we just can’t do that financially. Now, we do try to eat out on our date nights, as that is part of the fun for us. It’s usually thrown in amongst the grocery shopping, and what has become our norm on a date night – a trip to Menards! Sometimes our date nights are picking up some Subway and going home to watch a movie on Netflix. Yet, it’s when we get to spend time just the two of us, and that is extremely important in a marriage. You can easily get lost in the day to day, and you both become people who kinda know each other instead of people who really know each other. I’d encourage everyone to make sure that you get some kind of regular date night in.

Prayer – This has become increasingly important to us. In the past we’d tried to do a study together, and we’d like to get back into that some day. However, right now at the very least, we spend our Sunday evenings with one another for awhile. We communicate by looking over our finances, our schedule, then praying. We pray for our family, our finances, the events of the week, and for each other. This has become very important to both of us. When was the last time you prayed for your spouse on a regular basis in front of your spouse? When was the last time they did the same for you? How could your love for one another get stronger if you had some regular basis for doing this with one another?

As I said last week, the little things matter. Maybe you take these things for granted right now. I’d like to suggest that you don’t do that any more. In order for your marriage to be strong and withstand the barrage that the world will throw at you I’d suggest you do these things, and probably a few other things. If you’d like to discuss this more feel free to contact me any time. I love to talk about these kind of things, and I really love to help others get closer to God, and in this instance, their spouse!

Next Week: Parenting Matters

It All Really Does Matter

As most of you know my day-to-day job is being an Office Manager for a medical practice. Among the million things I have to do there is watching the little things. I must keep an eye on payroll, keep an eye on supply usage, and various things like that. That attention to detail can make a big difference to our practice

You see, everything really does matter. Every minute of overtime a person is paid goes against the bottom line. Keeping a close eye on our supplies allows us to keep a good hold on overhead. Making sure the doctor’s schedules are full can help to best utilize the staff.

In our lives the little things matter as well. It’s easy to get stuck on the big things going on in our lives while letting the little things slip. The problem with that is that all the little things add up to a big thing down the way.

An example of that would be my helping to coach my son’s baseball team. At every practice we work on learning how to hit the ball, how to catch it, etc. Yet, if we don’t take the time to also teach them where to go after they hit the ball, what to do when others players hit the ball when they are already on base, or where to throw the ball when they catch it, then we’re not really doing our job as coaches. Instead we would have focused on the big things, but given no instruction on the little things that could be the deciding factor in our winning or losing a game. Also we are trying to help the kids to enjoy the game throughout their lives not just hot to hit a ball or catch it.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to take a look at how much some things that we can easily take for granted really do matter. The key to all of this is realizing that they matter and making them a priority. I hope you take the time to come back here over the next few weeks and read some of what God has been talking to me about. My hope is that you’ll use some of the tidbits in your lives as well.

Next Week: Marriage Matters

What To Do On A Rainy Day

So lately we’ve had a few days when it’s rained. Ok, actually we’ve had a few days when there was sun. I can count on one hand the number of times we had sun in April for more than 3 hours each day!

It was all that rain that started me thinking about a different type of rainy day. You see, we can have rainy days emotionally in our lives as well as the wet weather type. These days affect us in a variety of ways and can mess with just about every part of us. They mess with us mentally, emotionally, and physically. Sometimes it’s just a quick rain storm in our lives. Other times it’s a weather front that is going to be with us for awhile.

So, what do we do on a rainy day? Today I’m going to suggest that you curl up with a good book and wait for the Son! That is right, read your Bible. That is a great start. I’d also suggest doing some praying. Then, wait for Jesus to help you move that storm front in your life onward. If you truly trust Him, then you have to expect that that is exactly what He will do for you.

As the song says, “The Son will come out tomorrow, it’s just a day away…” Maybe if we trusted and expected Him to do just that, we’ll get to more sunny days.

Not Exactly The Plan

So I help out with one of my son’s baseball teams. I enjoy helping teach the kids the basics of the game and watching them develop throughout the season.

The other day we had practice on a cool, windy, and (go figure) rainy evening. We had plans on what to do with the kids but the outfield grass wasn’t in the best shape. So, now we have 10 kids and we’re trying to figure out how to keep all of their interest in a smaller amount of space. All of a sudden it hit me. We could split them up into two teams and play 5 on 5. This would give all the kids an opportunity to play in a game situation while only using the infield.

After splitting up the teams quickly we got to work with the kids. Now this is practice number 7 or 8 with this team and we’d done bits and pieces, but many hadn’t seen how it could all work together yet, as they all come from different playing abilities, backgrounds, etc. Well, it turned out to be the exact thing that all of these kids needed. They all really got involved with the practice. All of a sudden it wasn’t just doing drills, but instead it was game time. All of the kids had their chance to hit and field and all did really well. Sure there were teaching points that needed to be hit upon, but the overall response was incredibly positive.

The reason I bring this up is because there will be times in your life when things just don’t go according to plan. You’ll want to spend time doing a Bible study or at an event that you can’t attend. You’ll instead be interrupted, and that thing will eat up all the time you had originally set aside to do what you had planned.

I want you to know that God knows what your intentions were and He will definitely honor those intentions. It’s possible that He’ll find you in a different way that day that may be even more powerful than what you’d had planned. That distraction could lead to an encounter with a person who doesn’t know Him, and you could help them start their journey to a relationship with Him. Maybe it’s a child that needs your attention and that time spent with your child will be a chance for both of you to be closer to God, or a way that He’ll show you His grace in another way.

Whatever the reason that the plan didn’t go as planned, do not fret. It’s very possible that God had other plans for you at that time. Just like at our practice the other day, sometimes even though a plan changes, it doesn’t mean that something even greater won’t come out of it.